Thank you for calling My Father's House.  Please select one of the following options:

• Press 1 for Requests
• Press 2 for Thanksgiving
• Press 3 for Complaints
• Press 4 for All Other Inquiries

What if God used the familiar excuse...  "I am sorry, all of our angels are busy helping other sinners right now.  However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received, so please stay on the line."

Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call God in Prayer? If you would like to speak to:

• Gabriel, Press 1
• Michael, Press 2
• For a directory of other Angels, Press 3
• If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, please Press 4
.
• To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press 5. Enter his or her Social Security Number and then press the pound key.  (If you get a negative response, try area code '666.')
• For reservations at "My Father's House" please enter, J-O-H-N- followed by 3-1-6.
• For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive here.

Our computers show that you have already prayed once today.  Please hang up and try again tomorrow.

This office is closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday. Please pray again Monday after 9:30 am.  If you need emergency assistance when This office is closed, please contact your local pastor.

THANK GOD, HE DOES NOT HAVE VOICE MAIL AND HE DOES LISTEN WHEN WE PRAY.